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"Safe dating in a dangerous world"

(Although this webpage is geared towards single women, I believe singles of any gender can benefit from some of these safety suggestions).

Paul Henry Danylewich is a personal safety expert that specializes in women's safety issues. He is the director of The White Tiger Group and author of "FEARLESS: THE COMPLETE PERSONAL SAFETY GUIDE FOR WOMEN". Paul's safety advice has appeared in the Chicago Tribune, Phoenix's Arizona Republic and NBC Television programs such as DATELINE and THE JOHN WALSH SHOW. Visit Paul at http://www.fearlesstiger.com/ and attend his personal safety presentation at Changing Hands Bookstore, 6428 South McClintock Drive in Tempe from 7 to 8PM - Tuesday July 15th.

AVOIDING MR. WRONG: Safe Dating in a dangerous world.

We can all remember what its like, the "first date." Sometimes hours seem to slip by so quickly the night is over before you would like to end. However, there are those other kinds of first dates that are painfully slow in ending. The following are some safety tips to help you if you get stuck with "Mr Wrong."

On first dates...
Always meet in a public place and be self sufficient in every way. That means you pay your own way and you get to and back from that public place on your own. Some great ideas for first dates are walks, shopping, a concert or sports event, eating out. Think about it, there are many. If the public place idea is not something that you want to try, then consider a double date. This means bringing a couple of your choice, not his!

Remember to ALWAYS tell someone where you will be and when you will be returning home.

You should be involved in planning out the date. No, it is not okay he decides everything that is to happen on the date.

Watch out for a sudden change of plans. It is almost always a prelude to danger. For instance you agree to meet with a gentleman for coffee at a certain restaurant. He shows up with a friend and asks if you want to go for a drive.

Early during the date tell him that you are sorry, but you have to call in to work (or call in to your mothers) to see if you are needed. Telling a little lie like this is helpful. As the date progresses, and if you decide that you want to leave early, make that call and tell him that unfortunately something came up - and get out early.

Do not drink alcohol or get high as doing so would impair your judgement. Also watch your drink closely. If you leave to go to the washroom, order a new drink when you return.

During the date, whether he appears really great or horribly unappealing, try to learn as much as you can about his lifestyle and his values while trying to be very vague when answering questions concerning personal information about yourself, where you live and work, your phone number and so on. Try and get information such as:

why did his other relationships ended,how does he feel about his ex's?
does he have female friends?
does he like animals?
does he have a temper?
is he close with his family?

If you do not like the answers that you are getting, re-evaluate your relationship - and consider leaving early. If you are not interested in a relationship with someone, be up front about it and tell them so. Here are some ways women say that they are not interested, and some ways in which males can misunderstand the intended meaning behind the words:

She Says: "I have a boyfriend" and he thinks: "All I have to do is get rid of him, and then she'll go out with me"
She says: "I am not ready for a serious relationship" and he thinks: "All I have to do is wait for her and she'll come around"
She says: "I just like you as a friend" and he thinks: "I just have to prove my love to her, she will grow to love me"
The right way, "I am not really interested in having a relationship with you." And it is best to let someone know early on when there is less of an emotional investment at stake.

I have interviewed hundreds of women who have been assaulted in dating relationships and the majority of them felt that something was not right about the date. Most said that there were several things that their date did or said that made their instincts tell them that something was not right. For some women it was a sudden change of plans, or their date constantly trying get into their personal space, or perhaps things that he would say - inappropriate comments about women or sexual remarks. More importantly, these assaults all happened in isolation. Most women did not act on their instincts. Even though many of the women had chances to escape the situation, they were afraid to over-react and be embarrassed. By the time they chose to react, they had already lost control of the situation. Remember stay in a public place and act on your instincts. Get out if something does not seem right!


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